Doing the Open Letter Thing Again

Dear UPS person:

I fully understand that your job is to deliver my package to my door. HOWEVER, a knock on said door to alert me that the package had arrived would have been nice considering that it was POURING rain, and you know, cardboard boxes don't hold up so well in torrential downpours. But, whatever. I feel sure that you are not the least bit concerned that I discovered the package JUST in time to keep the rain from ruining 250 wooden boat kits, muslin bags, shell necklace kits, and fishing nets for our Vacation Bible School. Cause it's not your job to worry about stuff like that, right? Yeah. So, anyway, thanks for nothing.

Sincerely,
A disgruntled customer with a 30 pound soaking wet cardboard box in her living room

Dear Family Member:
I said something that hurt your feelings today, and I am SO sorry about that. BUT, I TOLD you that I was sorry, and you totally ignored me! So, you know what? I love you, and I really AM sorry that I said what I said, so, when you're done pouting or whatever, you know where to find me.

Sincerely,
Your relative who was angry and said the wrong thing, then sad and embarrassed about having said the wrong thing, and is now back to being angry again because you're pouting like a 2 year old who needs a spanking.

Dear JAS:
I like you. I really, really do. Also, I like your family, and I do care about what happens to you, and to them. But, please, please understand that I cannot ignore my children and the work I need to do in order to have long, rambling, pointless conversations with a man who is not my husband. Maybe I'm a real prude, but it just doesn't seem appropriate to me. So please, for pete's sake, take the hints I keep dropping and DON"T make me be rude. PLEASE?!

Sincerely,
Your friend from high school who has a family now and really would prefer to behave like an adult

Dear Idiots in Wal-Mart tonight:
Okay, first of all, MUST you stroll directly in front of a person with a cart at the pace of a snail, talking on your cell phone, snapping gum, AND blocking the aisle as if the people behind you have no lives and, like you, can afford to sqander 3 hours in a Wal-Mart?

Secondly, to the other idiot~the rest of us do not want to hear you yell at your child that you heard her the first 20 times she said something to you. We heard her too, and we don't need YOU to do an encore. Don't you ever wonder where SHE gets it from? Turn down the volume, lighten up, and for the love of pete, if you must scold like that, do it at home.
Sincerely,
That person in Wal-Mart tonight who wanted to hug your kid and smack the snot out of you.

And there you have it, folks. My latest installment of "open letters". I feel SO much better now!!
Goodnight all!!
Vicki